Oublier de rever: forgetting to dream
by sugarXcouture
Summary: A CSI centric story, with a little Law and Order:SVU thrown in.....angsty....starts off saraOC then progresses to SaraGriss. If you don't like angsty stuff, don't read, cause this story has several 'unpleasant' themes.....
1. Chapter 1

**Oublier de rever**

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**Warning-Story contains unpleasant temes, domestic violence, rape etc... you can't handle, please dont read**

**Disclaimer-Don't own CSI, Law and Order SVU, Sara, Gil or any other characters...**

"You bitch! What the hell is the matter with you? Is work more important than your family?"

"Baby, please, I'm so sorry...You know I can't leave in the middle of a case like this! We can go out at the weekend, or next week, it's just that-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it Sara. You expect me to play the loving boyfriend and look after your little shit of a daughter while you can't even be fucking bothered to leave work to spend a little time with me?"

"Chris, don't call her that. I'm sorry about work, but I couldn't leave the case. It's too high profile to be left unsolved for long. I thought that you'd-"

The next thing she knew, stars exploded across her vision, and she could feel his hands around her neck. She tried to push his hands away, but he just tightened them until her vision gave out...

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Gil's head hurt even more than ever. He wished he'd never agreed to go out with her. But since Sara had moved, he had been totally and completely celibate-no dates, no sex, just casual flirtations with Sofia...it didn't even mean anything to him...

"Gil? What do you want?" Sofia's voice echoed provocatively in his mind as she and the waiter gazed expectantly at him.

"Uh-um-I'll have the steak. Medium-rare please." he told the pimply-faced youth taking their order, then turned his attention to Sofia. "Sorry, I didn't catch that?"

"I said, what do you do when you're not solving crimes?"

"Oh, you know, insect stuff, speaking of which, did they find any suspects in the Janet Learing case?"

"We're not here to talk about work you know..." her voice was laden with hidden meaning. "I don't want to talk about work with you..." yep, definitely a double entendre.

She didn't want to talk about work? "what would you like to talk about Sofia?"

"You. What you do with your life, that sorta thing." she fluttered her eyelashes at him coyly.

Ummmm, his work was his life...he missed going for dinner with Sara. No, screw that, he missed Sara. At least she would let him talk about the cases, or things that were work-related. Hell, that was what they both enjoyed talking about, more than anything else.

Why was he out with Sofia again?

"Gil? Gi-il?"

"I-I'm sorry. This was a mistake. He pulled away from the table, after putting down the money to cover his drinks and his up-coming meal. "I have to go. I'm sorry Sofia."

Sofia Curtis stared blankly at the back of the retreating Grissom, the first and only man to ever walk out on a date _with her. _

She wasn't sitting alone for long. Withing ten minutes of her leaving her table and heading to the bar, she was approached by a seriously attractive guy, looking for a fun one-night-stand.

Well, Detective Curtis never said no to a night of anonymous sex with a very attractive, smooth speaking stranger...


	2. Chapter 2

**Oublier de rever: chapter 2**

**Disclaimers & warnings see chapter one**

this may get a little confusing, these next two chapters...idk, the xxxxxxx's are there to indicate a change in time or place, or both, but I'm not so sure if its like, obvious...and all the entries here aren't five years previous, the further you read, the closer to the present you get...I'm not good at explaining lmao...hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

_Five years previously..._

They had been working the series of break in-and shootings at a popular chain of jewelery stores. It had been an exhaustingly boring case, and Sara was just damn glad to have it solved...gave her and Griss more time to, ahem, be in each other's company...

She rolled over to face him. "Morning baby."

"Good afternoon more like."

She kissed him passionately on the lips. "So, no morning sex then?"

"We can change the time on the clocks." he had grinned at her, before shifting on top...

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She needed to ask him. This was their future...her future...

She was 29...it wasn't like she had nothing to support her financially, if he disagreed...

"Griss?"

"Mmmm?"

"Would you ever- would you ever have kids?"

"Sara- where has this come from?"

"It's just, you know, turning older, and stuff-"

"honey, you only turned 29 last week. It's not like you're old...yet..." he smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"Griss, be serious. Answer the question."

"To be honest Sara, I don't think kids would be such a...fantastic idea for me...for us..."

"But Griss, imagine, a kid with my nose and your eyes...or vice versa, but you have much nicer eyes than me..."

He had laughed. "We're both too selfish for kids...we work too much. And kids mean you don't have time for..." he bit her ear playfully.

"So, you don't want children?"

"Nope. Why? I didn't think that you did either."

"I-I don't."

She didn't. Well, not before. But she hadn't had her period for nearly three months, and the test was positive...she couldn't get an abortion...she couldn't get rid of her baby just because they had forgotten to use a rubber...she couldn't...

But he didn't want kids...she couldn't tell him, it would ruin everything...

Too late sweetie, the voice in her head told her. Cos it's already ruined

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The New York Crime Lab had replied in the affirmative. Of course, Ms. Sidle, someone of your expertise would be greatly valued here...we offer full support for families, yes, a job will still be available after the baby is born. How soon can we expect you?

You can expect me later this week.

She had spoken to her doctor...four months...

She was just so damn lucky that her bump didn't show...

Sara had handed her resignation to Ecklie, who had grinned in delight at the prospect of washing his of the insubordinate Sara, at least, she was insubordinate to him.

She had spent the last few days in a numb daze, packing her things up sneakily, spending her last night with Grissom, who was still unawares of everything, then writing the letter.

Writing that goddamned letter.

With every downward penstroke, her heart broke a little more.

But she knew it was for the best...she couldn't ruin his life.

If Ecklie or the sheriff found out about the relationship, Gil would be fired. Only the night-shift knew about them, despite the fact they had been together for almost two years...just after she arrived in Vegas.

No, this move was for the best...

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_Griss,_

_First of all, I'm so sorry. More than you will ever know. This wouldn't have worked. You would have been fired, everyone would have detested me for getting the man who had put the crime lab up to number two on the ladder fired, and we would have resented each other..._

_We don't want the same things...I would have ruined it all for you...I can't do that, I love you too much. I'm sorry._

_I love you more than you could ever imagine. Tell everyone at the lab that I'm sorry._

_Yours, Sara_

He had read it over again. It still tore at him, even though he had read it countless times...why had she left him? Why had she left the lab?

No point thinking about it Gil. He told himself. You're not getting her back now. She's gone.

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At six months, she was showing. Not massively, but enough to make the bump obvious on her slender frame. Her colleagues and friends wouldn't let her carry things and she had to buy a whole new wardrobe to accommodate her expanding waist-line.

She had talked things over with her supervisor- six months maternity, then she could come back on half-time for the next few years if she wanted...but Sara knew that she would be back full-time as soon as she could, her baby would have a nanny.

Her rather large apartment currently had cribs, carry-seats and other paraphernalia lying tumbled in bags in the living room, but she just couldn't be bothered putting it away in the baby's room, or in the cribs case, putting it together...

She missed Grissom.

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How long had she been gone? Seven, maybe eight, months? But he still thought about her all the time...she was all he could think about...

He still had the photos that she had so lovingly framed, and put up all over his townhouse when she moved in...he had kept the bits and pieces she had left behind...the leatherbound copy of Jane Eyre, several other books, her toothbrush and hairbrush in the bathroom, and a camisole that still vaguely smelt of her perfume...when he was feeling particularly self-pitying and morose, he would hold it to his nose and inhale...

Eight months gone, and he was still smelling her fucking clothes, hoping that the tiny perfume particles might mutate in the air, and somehow miraculously turn into Sara.

He hated being without her...after years, he finally got his shit together and told her he loved her, only for her to move away a year later.

Why? How could she?

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"It's a girl!" the nurse had beamed at her. "Do you want to hold her?"

Um, duh. After three hours of utter agony, who wouldn't want a reward, however small and pruney that reward may be?

She held the baby in her arms.

"Do we have a name?"

She hadn't thought of any. But it just leapt into her head. "Melodie. She's called Melodie."

"Melodie. Wow, that's pretty. Melodie Sidle. Sounds like an actress's name." the nurse had winked at her before whisking the baby away, and Sara had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

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She had been gone for ten months...Greg had received several short emails during the first few months, but after the fifth month, she had just...not got in touch...he supposed she must be busy with her new job, and all...

Her leaving still stung like a papercut, though...

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"Welcome back Sar! How's baby? Her fellow CSI's were asking the second she stepped back into the New York crime lab.

She had laughed, relaxing under the camaraderie that ran through the lab. "Melodie's good thanks...the nanny says she's the best-behaved baby she ever did meet!"

"Definitely not your child." Detective John Munch said from behind her as he entered the lab.

"John!"

"Nice to see you back Sara." He had embraced her. John was possibly Sara's best friend in New York, a cross between best friend and father figure. He had already came by the apartment and met Melodie several times, but Sara was happy to see him again.

"I'm glad to be back. Urgh she's cute and all- but I swear to god, you think criminals are bad, try sleeping with a screaming baby in the apartment."

"I thought she was a good baby?" he had smirked.

"Yeah, now she is. But before Elise," Sara referred to the nanny "I thought my head would split!"

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The months, then years, passed, he really thought it would start to hurt less...

But numbness crept in, and the pain mutated into something simialr to frostbite, numb, but somehow still agony...

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She had got Melodie enrolled in a prestigious nursery school, after a colleague at the lab had pulled a few strings for her. At nearly three years old, Melodie was adorable, she was curious about everything, and was obviously pretty smart. Not to mention that she was a beautiful child.

Her godfather, John, had said to Sara many times, although he was more than slightly biased...he doted on the child, and seeing as his daughter had now grown up and moved away from New York, he saw Melodie as a cross between daughter and Grandaughter.

Sara had been working at the lab without a hitch for three years after she had Melodie, without a hitch. No problems, the occasional date, occasional sex, nothing particularly emotional...She couldn't feel anything for anyone in the same way that she did for Gil.

And she was fine with that...even though sometimes she missed him so much, she was convinced her heart was ripping.

But looking into Melodie's sparkling blue eyes sometimes helped velcro the rip together...

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He hadn't dated in the three years that Sara had left, Catherine Willows realized as she looked at Grissom hunched over a case file. In fact, it was nearly four years. Nearly four whole years. When Sara had first left, Cath had been concerned for the brunette. Concern had turned to confusion, had turned to pissed off-ness, had turned to sheer anger for the woman who had hurt Gil Grissom so badly. Of course, he was probably partly to blame for whatever had made Sara leave, but come on, everyone knew Grissom said things he didn't mean...and didn't say things he meant...

But, the thing was, Gil had said he had no idea why she left...

It was like Sara Sidle had just...vanished for no reason...

Of course, not vanished...Cath knew that she was down in New York, she was good friends with Melinda Warner, a New York coroner, who had met Sara more than a few times, and had mentioned it to Catherine in passing.

She hadn't told Grissom, but somehow, he knew Sara was in New York.

But he didn't want to see her.

And Cath was just relieved that he was going to stay away from her...

After all, Sara must've had a good reason for leaving Vegas so suddenly and without notice... it must've been a fucking amazing reason...

Catherine had seen how much Sara had loved Grissom, she had seen how they were to each other. Something seriously big must've mad her leave...something that would have hurt Grissom...

And nobody, least of all Catherine, his closest friend, could stand seeing Grissom get hurt...

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It was Melodie's third birthday party. Her baby was getting so grown up, she was now oficially a toddler. Sara smiled as the little girl squirmed in John's lap, before she turned to Melinda and told her "today, I will be three. Because I'm is old."

"I am old, sweetie." Sara corrected absentmindedly, as the rest of her friends rolled their eyes. "Today, I am three. Because I am old."

"Geez Sara, she's only just turned three, she can't be spelling champ for at least another two years minimum."

"Spelling champ? I think not Dani," Sara told her friend, "Melodie's going to be a physicist."

They all laughed as Melodie wrinkled up her little button nose- "Mummy, I be driving a tractor. Or I'll be Dora."

"Dora?" John hadn't watched kids t.v. In a long time.

"Dora the Explorer. God, John, keep up!" Detective Stuart Mellroe told him, smirking. John's colleague was always smirking.

Melodie stretched out her arms from John to her mom, and Sara lifted her.

"Someone's tired. Home and bed, baby"

"Mommy...I wan' more cake..."

"I think two slices were enough, don't you?" Sara asked her daughter, before hoisting her onto one hip to carry her out to the car.

"Say thank you for all your presents."

"Thank yous for all my persents."

"You, not yous. And not-"

"Sara, stop!" they were laughing at her attempts to correct her daughters grammar. She smiled-

"Seriously guys, thanks for all this. It was sweet of you."

Dani slid out her seat ans gave Sara an awkward one-armed hug, so's not to wake-up a sleeping Melodie. "Aww Sar, we wanted to. She had fun." they looked at Melodie who was currently drooling on Sara's sweater.

After bidding them goodbyes and insisting to Stuart she didn't need an escort to her car, she carried Melodie out the restaurant. The rest of the night was uneventful- getting a small sleeping child into bed proved no problem for Sara- she had a lot of practice.

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"So, it was his mom?" Sara asked the handsome cop who had been working the Aimes case, where a mother had smothered her child as he slept...it had more than pulled emotional triggers for Sara.

"Yeah, the fibers you found in the mouth and the blanket you matched it to- that was the case breaker."

"thanks." she smiled at him, with a small blush across her cheeks. "I can't believe anyone could do that to their baby."

"I know...something wrong in the head. She's been put in psych for evaluation."

"What about hubby?"

"He told us, quite straight-facedly, that she was going to rot in hell."

"Oh. Nice." Chris walked her to the exit of the lab, he had been over speaking to Melinda, so he'd dropped in to see her...Sara was slightly confused, but maybe since they'd worked together on this case-

"...Sara? Would you?"

"Uh-sorry? I tend to zone off." she smiled at him.

"Would you like to come out with me sometime? Like, on a date?"

"Oh. Oh-um-yeah-sure, that would be nice"

"So...can I have your number?"

"Oh...um...here..." she keyed into into the cellphone he was holding out towards her. "My daughter still sleeps in the afternoon, so maybe you could call in the evening?"

"You have a daughter?" For her, his reaction to her answer was the make-or-break.

"Yes, she's nearly four. Her name's Melodie."

"Oh. I have a daughter and a son. Divorced. They live in Tenessee now."

"Wow. Far away, huh?" she probed gently

"Yeah, um, my ex-wife, she grew up there... moved back to her parents...I haven't seen 'em for six years."

Sara put her hand on his arm, trying to convey sympathy without being patronizing. "That sucks. I don't keep in contact with Melodie's dad either."

They stood like that for several seconds, before she looked away. "Um. So. Um. Yeah. I'll talk to you later, I guess."

"Okay. Bye Sara."

"Bye Chris."

She felt happier than she had in a while...so, he may not be the prince charming she was looking for, the only one able to fill that spot was Gil, but he was a pretty damn good consolation prize...he was like Duke handsome, or something...

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	3. Chapter 3

**Oublier de rever: Chapter 3**

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**Disclaimer-see chapter one!**

**Warning!!!!! mentions several unpleasant subjects, inc, domestic violence...please don't read if it'll affect you negatively, I don't want loadsa flames!**

They had been together for 8 months when he moved in, nine months when he had first hit her.

She had been working, and forgotten to tell Chris that it was Elise's night off from looking after Melodie, and consequently, he had been stuck in all evening with a screaming toddler giving him constant cheek. Sara hadn't answered her phone, she had left it in the break room, and when she found twelve missed calls from home, she was worried.

She had driven through the city as fast as she could, only to get in and have Chris go mad at her.

"SARA! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Babe, what's wrong? I was working until just there."

"I had to phone in sick, because the fucking nanny wasn't here to look after that brat! Christ almighty Sara!"

"Oh god, I'm sorry. Shit, Chris, I totally forgot that she had a night out."

"FUCKING FORGETTING isn't going to make A FUCKING DIFFERENCE, IS IT?"

"Honey, shh, please, I'm sorry, but you can't wake Melodie, keep your voice down."

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" His voice was quiet, hissing at her, "why the fuck wouldn't you answer your phone?" He had her backed into the wall, Sara was getting increasingly more freaked out.

"I l-left it in the break room. I forg-"

"Mmmm. Sara, darling," he leaned in closer, "are you screwing around on me?"

"NO! Chris, NO!" she was so relieved, when it wasn't something to be honestly worried about, she laughed.

He sucker punched her.

"Don't LIE! That's what Jamiee said," he was talking about his ex-wife, "she said that, like you. You were with someone else."

Sara was so mad. He had just fucking hit her. She was seriously going to kick his fucking ass. She was going to-

"Mommy?"

Melodie was standing in the hallway in her light blue pyjamas. "What's happening?"

"Nothing sweetie," Chris walked down the halll and hoisted her up into his arms. "Me and mommy were just arguing. But it's fine now."

He carried her down the hallway back to her room, and Sara, slumped against the wall, could hear him saying 'love you baby. You're me and mommy's special girl.'

He came barrelling back down the hall to her. "Oh christ, Sara, I'm so sorry. I swear, oh god, I didn't, oh god. I just- I lost my temper. Oh god. Sara, I'm so so sorry. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

She looked up at him, the pissed off-ness fading. "No. I'm-I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Sweetheart, I-I just-"

She could see tears running down the sides of his cheeks.

Should she throw him out? But he honestly didn't mean it, he had been so angry, and upset...Sara justified it to herself, even thought she knew deep down how wrong this situation was.

"It's fine. I'm fine." She walked past him slowly into the kitchen. "Don't ever dare try anything like that again Chris. You know I wouldn't sleep with anyone else. You know I love you."

He looked at her, his tear-stained eyes unnaturally bright. "I love you too Sara. So much. More than you could ever know." He walked over and scooped her into a bear hug. She stiffened at first, but relaxed into his arms.

_He didn't mean it. He said he was sorry...he loves me, he loves Melodie..._

Sara didn't realise that it would all crumble to ruin around her after that night...

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The second time, it was so much worse...she couldn't do anything...

She had been so tired, exhausted, after a double shift where they had to process and abused child and his foster brother. She had emotionally worn thin, and she had physically done the same too. She had flopped down into bed beside him, dressed in her usual pyjamas of shorts and a cami...she remebered how much Grisso- No! Don't think of him!

Who was she kidding. She thought of him all the time..

She had slid under the covers, and Chris had spooned against her.

"Hey baby."

"Hey. Melodie okay?"

"Yup, just put her down...you tired baby?" he nuzzled at her neck playfully.

"Yeah, I just want to sleep."

"But honey, I thought-"

"Please I'm too tired. Not tonight."

He had rolled away from her. "Chris please, don't be like that."

He ignored her.

She moved over to him, and gave him a soft kiss. "Don't be mad, I'm just really,really tired."

He kissed her back, tongues battling against tongue, and then flipped her over with ease.

"No Chris, I said-"

"Jesus Sara!" He pulled down her shorts along with his boxers.

"Get the hell off! I said I was too tired!"

He just wasn't listening. She tried to push him off, but he just pinned her down with his weight. Considering that it was a 5"8, 100lb female against a 210lb, 6"2 man, there wasn't really much fairness in it.

He juddered against her as he slowed down moving, then slumped against her. Sara wanted to throw up. Oh god.

"Mmm, baby, nobody does to me what you do," he had pulled her against him again, spooning under the covers. "I love you Sara."

What? Uh, he what? No he didn't. She mentally shook her head. He had just- he had just-

Sara, get out of bed right now. Go call the cops. The little voice in her head panicked.

Uh, he is a cop doofus. Like they'd arrest one of their own. She didn't believe in all the conspiracies going round about the cops, but she knew that his cop buddies would back him up...cases like this were often "she said "yes"- "No I didn't"- "yes she did"- "No I didn't"

Sara's head hurt, her stomach hurt, everything hurt. Her emotions were bruised and battered. She knew she had just been raped, she knew that she could bring charges...

But he hadn't heard her...and they would take Melodie away. She had seen enough of these cases to know that the kids would be taken into tempoary foster care until the charges were either dropped, or the perp went to jail...She couldn't be split up from her baby. She couldn't.

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He couldn't sleep. He was so tired, he was utterly exhausted, but he couldn't sleep.

He slid from his bed and padded over to the dresser, and pulled out her old cami. He go back into his bed, and inhaled the thin silky material. Then, Gil Grissom could finally fall asleep...

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She was throwing him out. She had to. For both her and Melodie's sakes.

"Sara, why the fuck?"

"Chris, last night-"

"Last night? Sara, what the fuck happened last night that made you throw me out?"

"You-you r- I don't love you Chris. I'm sorry."

He thumped her in the side.

"You are so full of shit Sara Sidle. I fucking look after. Your. Fucking. Brat" each word was punctuated by a thump to the side or her stomach till she collapsed on the floor, "and Fucking. Put. Up. With. So. Much FUCKING SHIT. And THIS is how you repay me?"

She could feel her stomach and her legs burning. Oh god,it hurt so bad.

"Don't screw with me Sara sweetheart. I fucking know people that'll get you fired. I'll have Melodie taken away. Don't think I fucking won't. Don't even fucking dare."

He had walked away, leaving her just inside the living room door. Several moment later, she heard the front door slam, and he had gone.

Oh shit, Melodie would be back soon with Elise. She couldn't let her baby see her like this. She tried to get up onto her knees, but her bruised stomach and ribs protested, so she inched into her room, slowly pulling herself up using a chair for support.

She went slowly into the bathroom, and looked at her face in the mirror. Not a mark, except her puffy eyes from crying as her so-called 'lover' beat the crap out of her.

Could he really have Melodie taken away? He was a squeaky clean cop, not a bad record in sight. She on the other hand, was a CSI with a DUI and a bad family history. They'd think she was beating her baby up, that she had beaten herself up...Münchhausen...

She opened her shirt, and looked at the various bruises now dotting her midsection. Not a nice look. Purple may be in fashion right now, but it didn't look so hot when dotted all over semi-translucent pale skin.

She cleaned her stomach up and put arnica all over the bruises. Then she heard elise's key in the lock.

"Mommy? Mommy! I'm back!" Sara went out into the hall to greet her over-excited daughter...wincing when Melodie grabbed her too roughly around the waist for a hug...

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He stated getting worried looks from his team. He must really look like shit, he laughed sardonically to himself.

"Gil? A minute of your time please?"

Ecklie stood at his door. "Yes Conrad?"

"It's the forensic anthropology conference in NY in three months-and the sheriff and I talked it over- we believe that you should go, represent the lab...there'll be a lot of good students looking for jobs: and there are several positions here that desperately need filling, lab techs, day technicians, etcetera..."

"New York? Why Do I have to go? Can't Cathe-"

"Gil, you're our most senior member of the lab-under myself, of course." Ecklie preened. Uhh, no Ecklie, we're equals, Grissom felt like snapping at the vain man.

"...So anyway, you need to go" Ecklie finished up, Gil looking at him in worry, since he'd not listened to any of that speech.

"I don't...it's...I'm not going. I have work commitments."

"No you don't. I spoke to Catherine, she will take over night-shift for the amount of time you're one. There's nothing to prevent you going to this conference Gil, and the sheriff knows it." With that, Conrad Ecklie swept from the room, like the pompous jackass he was.

Grissom sunk his head into his hands. Fuck. She's be there. She'd probably be giving a lecture, then he'd _have _to see her again. Fuck.Fuck.Fuck What highly contagious disease could he catch within the next three months?

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Melodie could hear them again. She wanted to do something, but she was so scared, she didn't understand what was happening. Why was he doing that?

She heard the noise stop, but her mommy kept crying. Why wouldn't she tell him to stop? Melodie was confused, her mommy told her never to let anyone hit her. So why was she letting Chris do that?

She heard feet thud along the hall and out the door. Her mommy stopped crying so much. She was just making sniffly noises now.

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Sara stood up, wincing. She looked in the mirror to see that her nose was bleeding rather badly. And heavily. Shit. And she knew Melodie had heard them again. Melodie had heard them a few times before. But it had never been so bad. Sara gazed into the mirror. She had to get to the emrgency room. Then she saw it.

She saw it staring back at her from the mirror.

She looked just like her mother...

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John had especially noticed a big difference in Sara in the past few months. She had become so quiet, so always seemed to have something on her mind...John didn't know what it was, maybe there was something up with Melodie, but he just didn't know, he speculated...at least, he didn't know until...

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He had pulled her into the kitchen when she got back from work that night.

"Sara, who is 'Nicky?'"

"Nicky?"

"He called here for you earlier today, from Vegas."

"oh. Oh. Nick? Omigod, how'd he get this number?" she turned around to leave the kitchen, intent on finding out, when he had reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"You telling me the truth sweetheart?"

"Yes, yes I-ow!" he twisted her wrist round.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I promise. Please, let go."

He smiled sadistically at her then dropped her arm. Melodie was standing in the doorway, looking suspiciously at her mom, who was wearing a smile so fake it put Michael Jackson's nose to shame.

"Mommy?"

"Melly, you ready to go?" Chris pulled lightly on a strand of her hair, as he looked threateningly at Sara.

"Yeah."

"Sara, coming to burger king?" he would love to see her in there, shoving a burger in her mouth, Sara realised, he had complained numerous times about "how this stupid fucking vegetarian thing made her too thin for fun."

"uh, no, I'm going for a nap, I'm tired."

"Fine. Be that way." he turned to melodie, and tugged the hood of her coat up as a joke. "Lets go Melly."

"ok. Bye mommy." melodie ran over to her mom, gave her a huge kiss, then ran out the door.

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That had been the day before John had found out...

She had reached out to him over the table as he passed her a case file...they were all having a meeting about the recent robberies on 7/ll's

Her shirt had slid up her arm, and the ugly purple hand-shaped bruise around her wrist was obvious for everyone to see...

"Sara, what the fuck is that?" Dani had gasped, looking at it.

"what?" she followed the redhead's gaze "it-its nothing." she pulled down the shirt.

"Like hell it's nothing." Stuart had rumbled, and Sara looked at him, nervousness clouding her dark brown eyes.

"Please-it's nothing. Melodie grabbed my wrist a little hard the other day."

"Sweetie, Melodie doesn't have hands the size of an ape."

"It was her. It was an accident. He-She didn't mean it. Just drop it."

"Please Sara-"

"Was it Chris? It fucking was! I'm going to flay that shit-rag."

"Calm down Stuart." John pulled on his coat. "Sara, please," he then turned to her, "you have to tell us who did it."

"No-one! Please, just drop it, I'm fine" she stood, and strode hurriedly from the break room.

Dani, Stuart and John all looked at each other. "what do we do?" Dani sounded close to tears.

"We can't do shit." Stuart sunk into his chair. "Can't do fucking shit unless she brings charges."

"But Melodie-" Dani began again.

"Oh please Dans. If he started on Melly, Sara would rip him limb from limb...pity she doesn't seem to care about her own well being."

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Chris was really good at pushing her on the swings. Melodie loved feeling like she was flying.

After 20 minutes on the swings, she jumped off, and they headed towards the ice-cream hut. Although it was September, it was still hot enough to enjoy an ice-cream. They both got one, and started walking back to the apartment.

"Chri-is?"

"Yep?" he smiled at his almost-daughter.

"Why is mommy always working?"

"Mommy has to work, to make money for us so we can have food, and a nice house, and you can have dolls and teddies."

"oh. Does mummy love her job?"

"Yep, she does. It's a good job for her to have."

"Does she love it more'n me?"

He squatted down to be eye-level with her. "No Melly, she doesn't. Don't think that. Mommy loves us more than anything in the whole, entire world."

He stood up again, and they resumed walking. When they got back to the apartment block, and he was putting his key in the lock, she piped up again. "Chris, why do you hit Mommy?"

He froze. Ummmmmm...

He said, as he fumbled with his key. "Sometimes-sometimes I get angry with mommy, and I do bad things."

"You shouldn't. Mrs Capelin said its wrong."

He seized her small shoulders "what did you tell Mrs Capelin, Melodie?"

"N-Nothing. She said it to Joseph when he hit kimmy in school."

"oh. Well, sometimes, when people are bad, or naughty, they deserve to get hit."

"Does mommy deserve to get hit?"

"Sometimes"...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_He said, as he fumbled with his key. "Sometimes-sometimes I get angry with mommy, and I do bad things."_

"_You shouldn't. Mrs Capelin said its wrong."_

_He seized her small shoulders "what did you tell Mrs Capelin, Melodie?"_

"_N-Nothing. She said it to Joseph when he hit Kimmy in school."_

"_oh. Well, sometimes, when people are bad, or naughty, they deserve to get hit."_

"_Does mommy deserve to get hit?"_

"_Sometimes"..._

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"I hate these things."

Catherine looked at Grissom, his head sunk into his folded arms "No you don't Gil."

"I do. I'll have to talk to all the people who gush all over me, and bad hotel food, and stay in a rat infested-"

"Gil, you're staying the Hilton! Stop making such a fuss! Think of all the damn work we'll have to do here to make up for you...And Kate's taking her holiday half-way through the week you're away."

"ten days."

"huh?"

"I'm away ten days., not a week."

"Fan-bloody-tastic."

They were both sitting at the table in the break room, with case files in front of them, but their minds were both far from the unsolved cases.

After a few seconds, Cath asked him the one question he couldn't answer.

"Will you- will you meet up with Sara? When you're in NY?"

Grissom shrugged, trying to seem ambivalent about the whole Sara-situation."Don't know. Probably not."

She knew not to push and worry at him. "mmhmm..."

He stood abruptly, and moved away from the table, "got to finish that paperwork."

"Have fun."

He left the room without replying. She knew how much Sara had hurt him, when she'd left.

But...but...but...

Catherine kinda had a valid point...he needed to see her, he needed to ask why. He had to see her.

What?! Sara had abandoned him, she had left him. They were in love, he knew she loved him too. He had seen it whenever she looked at him...

So, if he saw her, he could find out why she had done it...

Did he want to know?

Yes.

Uhhh, no. she abandoned you.

But she must have had a reason.

Yeah, if you say so. She's a cold-hearted bitch.

No. She loved you.

Yeah, right. She showed me a wonderful life, then snatched it away. Just like that. I risked it all, she just ran away and took it with her...

Oh god...

He was Lurie. He could hear the interrogation room conversation running through his head...

"_Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody, we could care about. She offers us a new life with her, but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her... You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life didn't she? But then she took it away, and gave it somebody else, and you were lost. So you took her life. You killed them both, and now you have nothing..."_

He hadn't killed her, but she might as well be dead. She hurt him so much. He was still in love with her...he couldn't see again. He couldn't be hurt by her again...

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"Ms...Um...Siddle?"

"Sidle."

"Oh sorry. You have." the doctor shuffled her folders, "two cracked ribs, and some very unpleasant bruising."

"Fabulous." Sara muttered under her breath. She wouldn't have gone, but her ribs had been aching for days.

"Ms. Sidle, I have to say, many of these bruises are consistent with hand marks...is there anything you should tell me?"

Over the past two months, the past three hospital visits, Sara had wanted to tell. Oh god she had wanted to tell so much. It hurt for her to realize she was turning into her mother...

"_You say anything, anything, I'll make sure you never see Melodie again." Chris's eyes had flashed as he punched her._

"Ms Sidle? We can stop this happening to you." the doctor looked at her with pity.

"What? No, I work with Law Enforcement. A suspect got violent and I was the one with the key to the cuff's."

"My apologies. Well then, you're good to go, you just need to pick these painkillers from the pharmacy," she was handed a prescription, "then come back in two weeks. We'll see if your ribs are fully healed"

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"Sar? Christmas?" Chris looked at her expectantly. "I think it'd be a good idea for us just to stay here, and not go to mom's this year...quiet Christmas..."

"uh, yeah, sounds good." She was relieved...quiet was good...

"Mommy, uncle John is on your phone."

She took the cellphone away from her daughter, who had grown accustomed to answering her mothers phone. "thank you Melodie." then barked down the phone "Sidle."

"Sara, multiple Dbs East 26th street, next to the park."

"I'll be right there."

Normally, on her nights off, she would deeply resent being called in...but Chris had arranged for his night off to coincide with hers...she wanted out the apartment...

"Babe, I'm sorry." she began but he just cut her off.

"It's fine. Fine. Melodie, would you like to watch a movie?"

"Mouse Hunt! Mouse Hunt!"

"Mouse hunt it is. Say bye to mommy."

Melodie had turned her large blue eyes to face her mother. "Momma, watch it wif us."

"I'm sorry sweetie, I have to go to work." Sara was already slipping her coat on. "I'll see you when I get back."

Sliding on her shoes, she turned. Melodie's face was screwed up, like she might burst into tear. "No momma, stay."

"Melodie, come and watch the movie." Chris's deep voice held no chance for argument, and Melodie trudged back over to the sofa, muttering about "stupid mices...silly chris...mean mommy."

He stood up and pulled Sara's arm. "Sara, don't be late. I took tonight off so we could spend it together. Don't blow me off."

"Chris, get off, I have to go. We'll talk when I get back"

"Sara, don't-"

"I have to go." She pulled her arm away from him, and ran from the apartment.

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She was heading toward the exit when her supervisor called out to her:

"Sara? You got a sec?"

"Sure Helen. What's up?"

"Come to my office."

Slumping into one of the squashy leather chairs, Sara could feel exhaustion creep over her.

"First of all, I want to say well done on cracking the murders on 26th street."

"Thanks."

"Second of all, I want to tell you about an upcoming anthropology seminar we need you to attend."

"What? No, I'm sorry, I can't travel, Melodie n-" Sara's expression was panicked.

"Calm down Sara!" Helen was surprised at the hysterical tone in Sara's voice "You won't be travelling, it's in New York."

"But shouldn't Dr Madden be going? It's his expertise."

"He's taken holiday time then for his daughter's wedding. He refuses to attend. I would go, but we're snowed under with cases here, and the under-sheriff wants a review of every unsolved case from the last four years." she rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I cant do anymore overtime, I-"

"It'll be during work hours. Schmoozing won't go on too late either...we just need someone representing our lab...Sara, this is important."

Urgh. Fine. She'd do it. Whatever. Just...need...to...sleep...now...

"Okay. When exactly is it?"

"Uh, yes...minor problem...I thought Dr Madden was going, so obviously thats why I didn't inform the rest of you about it...but um, it starts on Tuesday..."

"Tuesday? That's three days!"

"I suggest you get your schmoozing hat on immediately Sara." Helen shot her an apologetic smile, as her employee walked to the door.

Sara was furious. They couldn't have given her a little more notice? Oh shit. What was Chris going to say? Shit.

Maybe he wouldn't be at home...he still had his own apartment, although he wasn't spending as much time there...most of his time was spent with Sara and Melodie...

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There was nothing Gil hated more than airplane flights... he didn't care if he had been booked into business class 'deluxe' as Ecklie had proudly told him, he still hated airplanes...

He had never liked flying...it was the smell of the planes that bothered him the most, coupled with the fact he was always sat next to a middle-aged harpy, intent on knowing everything about him...

However...the flight was going well so far, possibly due to the little conversation he had with Catherine before he left...

"_So, gil, did you make arrangements to meet up with Sara?"_

"_No. I don't want to see her." Gil had decided to tell his friend what he was thinking, for once..._

"_but you-"_

"_I don't want to see her. I'll probably see her at the seminar anyway." he was putting hi walls up...talking to cath was a mistake._

_As she left, she said, "Why would you see her at the seminar? She's not an anthropologist Gil."_

_With those words, his mood had soared, and crashed, at the same time..._

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The entire way home, she was debating what to say to Chris. He would be royally pissed: this meant she most likely wouldn't see him until the seminar was finished: they both knew she'd have to stay late into the evening talking with prospective colleagues and fellow forensics...

She slid her key into the lock.

Immediately she was met by Chris's angry yelling:

"SARA! You said you'd be back on time!"

"Chris-it was important for me to stay..." her tone was pleading

"You bitch! What the hell is the matter with you? Is work more important than your family?"

"Baby, please, I'm so sorry...You know I can't leave in the middle of a case like this! We can go out at the weekend, or next week, it's just that-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it Sara. You expect me to play the loving boyfriend and look after your little shit of a daughter while you can't even be fucking bothered to leave work to spend a little time with me?"

"Chris, don't call her that. I'm sorry about work, but I couldn't leave the case. It's too high profile to be left unsolved for long. I thought that you'd-"

The next thing she knew, stars exploded across her vision, and she could feel his hands around her neck. She tried to push his hands away, but he just tightened them until her vision gave out...

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"...thank you for flying with us..." Grissom slid his laptop into its bag, as he followed the other passengers from the plane.

He was in New York...So was she...somewhere...

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"Shit! Oh, shit! Sara can you hear me? Sara?"

Ouch. Her throat hurt. "Whassa?"

"Oh god, sweetheart, I'm sorry."

"Chris...I think I need...ouch... ER"

"No, no, baby, you'll be fine. You don't need to go to the ER."

She could barely breathe and he said _not_ to go to ER? What the fuck?

"Please, I-"

"Melodie is staying with Elise the rest of tonight and tomorrow..." he tried to distract her from any ideas of going to the ER.

"when-when did you-"

"Actually, about 11pm, I said you had work, and I might take off home..."

Sara looked at the clock. 5 am. "Chris, you have to be at the station in like, an hour..." even croaking through her painful throat hurt her...

"I can take the day off..."

"I'll be fine. I'll be okay."

"You sure? I am so sorry, you know"

He sounded apologetic...maybe this would be the best time to tell him about the seminar...silent minutes passed as she made up her mind.

"Uh...Chris?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I-uh-well, I have to attend this seminar on forensic anthropology-"

"How can you leave the city? What about me? And uh-Melodie?"

"No,no, it's in the city. But I-I probably won't be able to see you for a while, cos, uh, it goes on for more or less a week, and h-helen says I need to schmooze, so I won't have -much free time, and-"

"Fine. I'll call you." his voice was cold, his fists curled, hand shaking like he was about to punch her...Again. "See you Sara."

He stormed out the apartment, slamming the door, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

At last she wouldn't have to worry about him for the rest of the next week...


End file.
